Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Did You HONESTLY Think There Wouldn't Be a Red Sox Post???

OK, of COURSE I have to write about the Sox in the series. Now this doesn't mean you have to join me (although those of you in Colorado can just keep comments to yourself). But if you do, there's a how to manual on line now.

My favorite bit?

17. Finally, bitch about everything: critics, certain players who personally disappoint you, etc. They call it New England for a reason. People in England love to fucking complain. You are the newer, even more annoying model.
More instructions on the site. I love the Sox. I love the fact that with Jonathon Papelbon, Nuke LaLoosh lives for real. The guy is flakier than a pie baking contest.

But that doesn't change one little fact, that will get waaaaaaaay under any Red Sox Nation citizen's skin:

They're not the fucking underdogs anymore, idiot.

Seriously. My fellow fans have a lot invested in the David and Goliath story. And maybe a long time ago it was true. But it has been a long time since Boston was David and the New York (May They Rot In Hell) Yankees were Goliath.
No. These days the more apt description is King Kong versus Godzilla. Sure, we may not have the Steinbrenner radioactive breath, but the Sox are one big, mean, biplane swatting ape. So my money is on the Sox. Because, love them or not, they're the second most expensive team in baseball (how many teams down from number three could you pay for out of Boston and New York's combined salaries anyway).

And I'll root for them. But I'm not going to sit around talking about how hard it is for the boys to win this one. Having made it through the ALCS, they're already well ahead of the Rockies, who are also in one of those baseball paradoxes, in trouble BECAUSE of all the time off they've had (think pitchers, arms stiffening during a long at bat, actually getting TOO rested in the dugout...it's like that).

So in the end, I and the little Red Sox fan to be born later (daughter or no, it's even odds her first words will be "Yankees Suck") want to say this to the world:

1 comment:

Mrs. Pedant said...

In keeping with the spirit of this blog, I'm going to bitch about a player, even though I love the Sox. Curt Schilling is an ignorant wanker that helped elect the idiot man-child we have for President. However, the man can pitch, and he pitches for the Red Sox, so I'll shut up and watch him play. Doesn't mean I wouldn't enjoyed it if he took a bouncy bunt to the cup during the 7th inning. That might make up for the whole being a Republican thing. Maybe.

And Honey, if our daughter is ever caught on camera flipping the bird, I'll fucking kill you. Besides, having her call the umpire a blind whore would be so much funnier. And more plausibly deniable.