Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Whenever I Hear...

Whenever I hear a Republican say, "It's not a time to point fingers," in conjunction with a major crisis whether its Katrina or a financial meltdown on Wall Street, all I ever hear is, "Oh, God, we fucked up again! How on Earth are we gonna avoid having our noses well and truly rubbed in it THIS time?"

When I hear John McCain say, "The regulators were just not doing their jobs," I substitute, "Maybe if I make the right mouth noises, these rubes will forget that the reason the regulators let this happen is that for 14 years we Republicans have starved them of every resource both legal and monetary for doing their job, and have also spent the last 8 making it ABUNDANTLY clear that their ACTUAL job consisted of resolutely looking the other way."

When I hear Karl Rove say, "The McCain campaign has been a little worse about the lying," I hear, "Oh Holy Fuck...the man is lying like a rug! If he blows our fucking cover we might actually have to campaign on the merits of our policies and then we're REALLY screwed!"

Thank you. This has been an edition of Political Babel Fish.

4 comments:

really mad professor said...

I like this game. Ok, whenever I hear a republican say "Country first," what I hear is: "humanity second...oh, and I want the poor to stay poor, I want old school racism to make sure no one gets my job, and I want to be able to put women in their collective place--then I can get on with the shitty business of putting my country first."

Clark said...

As long as we're going there...and why shouldn't we...whenever I hear Republicans say, "I support equality of opportunity, not equality of outcome," I hear, "I want to know that MY kid just won the race before the starters gun ever went off...the LAST thing in the WORLD I want is actual equality of opportunity. Why on Earth would I give up my advantages???"

really mad professor said...

ok--whenever I hear a republican say: "we have to put off the debate in order to fix the economy," I actually hear: "Oh, fuck!!! People have seen through my paper thin veneer of populism to the satanic core of my economic policy--quick I'll throw my half-hearted (because I only love half the country, after all) patriotism in their faces and hope that they remain stupid and placid."

really mad professor said...

Last one: When I hear "we need to cancel the debate to work on the economy," I hear "We need to cancel the debate so I can understand basic economic terminology before I get the shit kicked out of me by a candidate who can part the red seas of the trickle-down theory and let America walk through to the promised land."